Depression

Early on the first day of the week, after He had risen, He appeared first to Mary Magdalene, out of whom He had driven seven demons. She went and reported to those who had been with Him, as they were mourning and weeping. Yet, when they heard that He was alive and had been seen by her, they did not believe it. Mark 16:9-11

 

 Loss causes us to grieve, withdraw and at times be depressed. I have dealt with this monster for over 10 years now. I was divorced in 2004 after 28 years of marriage. I then lost my position as a pastor, my friends deserted me, I lost my home, my financial security, and my health. I battled severe blackness but hung on to the Lord and wrote poetry to express my grief.

 

God was good and took me to Sydney Australia, where I knew two people and was very lonely but found a good church. I discovered that loneliness was not a destination, it was just part of the journey.

 

Loneliness and depression dogged me. I was fearful of making it on my own. However, My God revealed Himself to me in these moments as I ran to Him. I knew drugs and alcohol were not appealing, neither was illicit sex. I wanted what He had for me and nothing else.

 

I learned to paint and was able to use this to give me space to process. I played the piano and gave of myself to others, yet there was still that hole inside.

 

Over the years I have come to know that the hole is best filled with the Lord's answer and no it is not an instant fix, in fact it is slow and measured, but each time I am blue and go to Him, I come away with treasure. I am being made new.

 

Today I spent time with hundreds of people in a running festival and came home lonely. I made a coffee and sat down with the Lord. It was time for something new. Today in the festival my route was down by the local river on a path I have never been before. I knew I was having my life added to. After my coffee I took my dogs and drove to the path and took them for a walk. I gloried in the peace, the trees and the pleasure of being there. I have included a photo of a tree I intend to paint.

 

While on my walk I thought of people I had talked to this morning and the things they are struggling with. I can love these people. I know I am larger inside now and that is always good. Amen!

 

The disciples mourned over the loss of the best thing ever to come their way. They had no idea life was about to get even better. Day by day my life is better as I allow depression to open new doors for me, ones of my God's creation. Amen!